


Half a Person

by Miss_Romance_Lover



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sad chats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 03:17:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20419031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Romance_Lover/pseuds/Miss_Romance_Lover
Summary: "...and what am I supposed to do? What do I do without you, Robert? Because I feel like I’ll be half a person without you.“





	Half a Person

Aaron had forced himself to cope with Robert’s admission, the way he’d blurted out the truth about his charge and the life sentence he could be facing. He’d made himself handle it while they spoke to the doctor treating Liv, when all he really wanted to do was run out of the hospital for air; for some space. He had considered telling Robert to go instead, just so he could focus on their sister following her collapse. But he knew Liv wanted both her brothers with her, so he held everything in. 

It wasn’t until the next day, when they took her home and she went straight to bed, that Aaron took some time to think. Liv had been deemed well enough to be discharged but she would have to return to hospital for more tests. Aaron sat down on the sofa, looked at his husband and spoke up before he could. 

“Can you go out for a while, please? I need to be alone for a bit.”

Robert’s face dropped. “But, Aaron we need to--”

“We will talk. But not now. Please, Robert.“

Knowing by the look on his face that Aaron wasn’t going to budge, Robert nodded, and left the flat. Aaron felt a pang at the way he’d left things, but it hit home that that feeling could be a hundred times worse some time soon, if Robert was found guilty. A part of him felt that he shouldn’t be wasting a second of the time they might have left together, but he was angry and he needed to process what he should have been told weeks ago. He knew, though, that he wouldn’t leave Robert stewing for too long. 

***

About an hour and a half after he’d left, Robert got a message from Aaron. Come home please x

He wasted no time heading back from the cafe, where he’d been sat nursing the one coffee and staring into space. When he arrived back at the Mill, Aaron was still sitting where he’d left him. Robert couldn’t read the expression on his face.

“Are you alright?“ he asked quietly. “Sorry I know that’s a stupid question, I--“

“Sit down, Robert.“

He took a seat next to him, and waited.

“It hurts that you lied to me. Again,“ Aaron said.

“I know. I just wanted to protect you. I was worried you...I was scared you would get ill again.“

Aaron let out a deep sigh, and Robert saw a look of pain flash across his face. He instantly felt even worse. “So you thought you’d wait to tell me while we’re at the hospital with a sick little sister?”

“I panicked. I didn’t mean to just let it spill out like that but...Cain overheard me on the phone to the solicitor and I knew I had to tell you. And then seeing Liv like that got me thinking...“

“Cain knows?“

“He’s not happy with me.“

“Well he’ll have to get in the queue. Robert, you cannot just keep things from me because of my mental health problems. I know you worry about me, but you can’t control whether or not I relapse.“

“I wasn’t trying to control you!“ Robert looked horrified.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying, you’re always trying to keep things under control - everything around you - making sure everyone else is okay. And that’s not only impossible to do, it’s at the cost of your own health too.“

“I’m fine, though.“

“Are you really? Because you’ve spent the last few weeks choosing to deal with things all on your own, when I’ve been right here the whole time. And if you’re telling me that’s because of me and my issues, then I must be a really bad husband.“

“No!“

Aaron looked at him, waiting for Robert to meet his eye. “Then why couldn’t you talk to me?”

Robert let out a shaky breath. “I knew I could. It’s not down to you, okay? I just knew you would worry about me, and and I was already worrying about you worrying about me...and--”

“And?“

“And I tried to get the words out when I got back from the police station, but I couldn’t say it. If I said it to you, it would make it more real and I don’t know how to deal with it, Aaron. I’m scared for you but I’m also scared of...everything else.“

Shuffling closer, until their bodies were touching side by side on the sofa, Aaron put an arm around his husband. “What did I say to you, the night we got back together?” he asked gently, stroking Robert’s back.

“You said a lot of things,“ the older man reminded him, a brief smile breaking out on his features. 

“I did. But I’m sure I asked you to do something for me, didn’t I? I said, ‘let me help you‘.”

“I remember.“

“Right. So from now on, you keep remembering that. No more keeping things from me. We face this together.“

Robert pulled him into a hug, and they stayed cuddled together for several minutes, until Aaron broke away, took a longer look at him and sent him to go for a lie down. When Robert tried to resist, Aaron led him carefully up the stairs, insisting he do as he was told while he checked on Liv. “Go on, into bed. I’ll be in in a minute,” he instructed.

Once he’d looked in on Liv, gone to make her a snack - and ended up making enough sandwiches for all three of them - Aaron delivered hers before taking the other two plates into their bedroom to find Robert had drifted into sleep. He lay down next to him for a while, but couldn’t settle. Wrapping the duvet around Robert, he crept back out and made his way downstairs again. 

***

It was late when Robert woke up and found Aaron standing in the kitchen, glass of water in hand. He went to say something, but stopped short when the younger man turned in his direction, visibly shaking. Robert took the water from him, placed it on the side and held Aaron’s hands in his. He knew he was having a panic attack.

“Aaron, look at me. It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here. Breathe with me, yeah?“

He could see Aaron battling with his head, frustration with himself bubbling under the surface. He brought him to sit at the table, watching his breathing eventually return to normal.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,“ Aaron said, still clutching one of Robert’s hands.

“Don’t be daft, you’ve done nothing wrong.“

“I’m supposed to be strong, I need to be helping you.“

“You are strong. You have been helping me. For months now you’ve been the rock while I fell apart, and if I’d have listened to you we wouldn’t be facing all this.“

“Now I’m proving you right though; I mean look at me, I’m in a state.“

“Anyone who’s had to cope with what you have in the last 24 hours would be struggling. I’ve handled this really badly, and I’m so sorry. The thought of leaving you is--“

The sound of a sob from Aaron cut him off. “You can’t. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. I’m sorry, you won’t, okay?“ He took him into his arms, felt Aaron bury his face in his neck. He breathed him in. 

“Don’t promise me that. You don’t know.“

Robert knew there was nothing he could say. Minutes passed before Aaron untangled himself from his arms and stood up, leaning against the counter as he spoke.

“We built this life together. Well, you built it for us, while I was drowning in insecurity and fear and doubt. You built us this home and this future and this...life all around us until I felt safe, and loved. Finally. So loved. And now it’s like I’m drowning all over again, and what am I supposed to do? What do I do without you, Robert? Because I feel like I’ll be half a person without you.“

Half a person. Robert could feel that too. Aaron was his whole world. Everything he did, every moment for him was wrapped up in Aaron. The thought of being without him was a reality he knew he would never be able to cope with.

But there was a big chance he was going to have to.


End file.
